Final Fantasy Tactics Recap
by xX GTAshadow Xx
Summary: A recap of my latest FF Tactics save file.New stuff added to Chapter 5.
1. Chapter 1: The Meager

**Final Fantasy Tactics Recap!!**

_Welcome to the Final Fantasy Tactics Recap! This is my run through the game! So leave if you don't want any insane crap!_

**Battle 0 (_Intro_) - Orbonne Monastery**

Let's skip Ovelia's praying and all that other stuff and get right to the battle. Anyway... this battle is quick. Agrias and Gafgarion mopped up the losers that call themselves fighters. Then, a Knight kidnapped Princess Ovelia and Agrias blamed God... quick...? Yes.

**Chapter 1: The Meager**

**Battle 1 - Magic City Gariland**

Ramza receives his party! They all suck! (_Except for Theresa!_) At least they wipe out some more jerks. Then Ramza fires his twerps (_except for Theresa!_) and hires Blake, Drake, Kalan, Eva, Heather, and Jacob. (_Theresa's still here!_) Ramza has a flashback, buys Potions and Phoenix Downs, then moves on the **Mandalia Plains**.

**Battle 2 - Mandalia Plains**

Algus needs to be saved! Ramza says "We need to destroy the Death Corps!". By deciding NOT to save the loser, Ramza's party got a 10 Brave boost! (_2 of them are permanent!_) Even Algus, but who cares? He's gonna be duping his Long Sword anyway so he's paying for the Brave! Ramza's party kills the losers and has Red Panther for dinner. Then the move on to **Igros **where Dycedarg and wants Ramza to guard the castle. They meet Zalbag, Teta, and Alma and talk for awhile before they head to **Sweegy Woods**.

**Battle 3 - Sweegy Woods**

Algus and Delita charge toward the monsters while Ramza's party sits back and Accumulates. Damn Algus gets killed quickly, but Delita revives because he loves him. (_He was the one who WANTED to save Algus no matter what Ramza said!_) Ramza's party finally decides to clean up the monsters when they decide to roam the forest. Algus is surprisingly still alive, but Delita is knocked out from the Black Goblin's Turn Punch. They hurry through the forest to **Dorter Trade City**.

**Battle 4 - Dorter Trade City**

A Knight (_Wiegraf_) is asking a Knight some stuff until Ramza's party shows up. He then runs away. (_Everyone runs from Ramza! Does he smell or something?_) The Knight Wiegraf was fighting with calls his posse which consists of 3 Archers and 2 Wizards. One of the Archers _has no weapon!_ It's like that Chemist in **Gariland**! But Theresa is a Thief now so as Ramza Yells her Speed up, she jumps up to the top and swipes that Long Bow! The Wizards are losers! One of them lost some Faith from a Mediator's Solution, then got killed. The other got killed shortly after. Dammit! I forgot to invite the Knight! It's funn inviting that Knight. Algus _still kicks him around_ because he's a bastard. (_Algus is a bastard, not the Knight!_) Now let's go to **Zeklaus Desert**!

**Battle 5 - Sand Rat Cellar**

Some losers are in a house. Ramza's party shows up. Algus charges through the door and gets killed. No, Heather! Don't revive him! He's a jerk! Delita is cautious and he throws his stones through the other door at a lone Monk. Heather invites a Knight, Theresa steals, and the rest mop up the leftovers. Back to **Igros **after saving the Marquis! At **Igros,** Dycedarg just complains and Larg comes in and thanks Ramza. Ramza's party goes to the **Thieves Fort**.

**Battle 6: Thieves Fort**

Miluda and her friends are drinking coffee inside when Ramza's party shows up. They throw their coffee at them and draw their weapons. Theresa and Heather didn't come due to the fear of getting charmed by the thieves. On a similar note, Ramza left behind the Chocobos for fear of the being charmed. Algus charges again. Delita slowly advances. Ramza's party destroys the leftovers. They take their Iron Sword war trophy and go back to **Igros** where Teta has been kidnapped and Dycedarg was almost killed! (_I wish he WAS killed. Save some work in Chapter 4._) After kicking Algus out, (_Yes!_) Ramza goes to **Lenalia Plateau** to finish Miluda off.

**Battle 7: Lenalia Plateau**

Delita quickly gets killed. (_No Algus to do it this time._) While Ramza's party keeps the losers at bay, Ramza Yells up Theresa's Speed as she steals Miluda's stuff. But this time, they have to call Heather over to Threaten Miluda so she's too scared to Counter. Finally Theresa gets Miluda's stuff and finishes her off. Now let's go meet Wiegraf at **Fovoham Plains.**

**Battle 8: Fovoham Plains - Windmill Shed**

Ahh, **Fovoham Plains**... little does Ramza know that there will be dozens of _Mindflares_ and _Sacreds_ here in later adventures. Hey! _Wiegraf has Boco!! _Why does he have _Boco_!? Anyway, Theresa powers up to steal Wiegraf's Round Shield. Again, Heather has to Threaten him. Kalan breaks Wiegraf's Speed. Heather calls over a Knight. Theresa finishes stealing Wiegraf's stuff. The party mops up the rest. Oh, and Delita was dead for the whole battle. On to **Fort Zeakdon** after getting a _Silver Bow _from **Igros**!

**Battle 9: Fort Zeakdon**

Algus kills Teta. Delita gets mad. Delita gets killed. Delita gets up with 1 HP, talks a bit, and gets killed again. Theresa comes to steal, but Algus's stuff is crap so they just kill him. Well, Theresa _did_ steal the Power Wrist. **Fort Zeakden **explodes. **Chapter 1 ends.**

**To Be Continued...**

**...with Gafgarion and Agrias! Watch me rip Gaff's stuff off and turn him into a Chemist! Take that, jerk!!**


	2. Chapter 2: The Manipulator and the Subse...

**Chapter 2: The Manipulator and The Subserviant**

_Or whatever it's called. Anyway, Ramza's at Orbonne Monastery after Ovelia was kidnapped. Agrias wants to look for her and Ramza wants to help. Gafgarion wants to get outta there, but he agrees to Ramza's wishes. He should, Ramza's Wish restores HP! Wait... not that Wish... then they leave for **Dorter**..._

**Battle 1 (_Of Chapter 2_): Dorter Trade City**

A Knight is asking a mercenary to kill Ramza. The price is 700 gil. The Thief is mad when he sees Gafgarion. Gafgarion (_now a Chemist with no equipment_) is knocked down by Ramza 'cause he's a loser and he's gonna die whether he's a Guest or not. Again, Theresa and the Chocobos stayed behind from fear of being charmed. Why don't these guys charm Agrias? Is she not cute enough? Blake the Monk just wipes them all out. Any leftovers are cleaned up by the rest. Boring battle. On to **Araguay Woods**. After Ramza gets his allies back from the proposition of course!

**Battle 2: Araguay Woods**

What!? It's a _pack of goblins led by a Black Goblin picking on a Chocobo named Boco_! Isn't Boco Wiegraf's Chocobo? No, it's Butz's, but Wiegraf stole it and tried to cook it 'cause it can't fight worth a crap! Ramza saves it by killing all the goblins, he then sets it free since Heather has already invited one and now they have a Black Chocobo. Oh well... on to **Zirekile Falls**... Gafgarion is _still a Chemist with no equipment_. He's going to die. Well, not quite _die_!

**Battle 3:** **Zirekile Falls**

Ah! It's Delita! And he's protecting Ovelia from some losers! Gafgarion _joins_ those losers 'cause he's the _King of the Losers_! Ramza just wants to get this over with, but Theresa wants to have some fun by charming a Knight. But Delita screws it up by attacking that same Knight. Ovelia casts MBarrier and gets the hell off the bridge. Ramza regrets having no Ethers, MBarrier seems really useful, but it costs 30 MP! Ovelia hoards it all to herself! Selfish slut! Ah, maybe not, she's kind of cute... that's why all these guys wanna kidnap her! When did these guys become Tantalus, kidnapping cute Princesses? Oh, yeah! The battle! Delita has killed all the Knights! Well, Agrias, Blake, and Theresa did some work too! Ramza just Yelled and Cheered Up Theresa and the Princess. He even Cheered Delita up! Now Delita's going to trust Ovelia with him! On to **Zaland Fort City**!

**Battle 4: Zaland Fort City**

Ramza's party arrives in **Zaland**. Now they see Mustadio being attacked! Theresa charms a Wizard, but a Knight screws that up by Dashing at him. These Wizards know _Fire 3_! Jacob the Archer Ignored the Height of the building and _jumped_ to the roof and fired arrows at will. A few of the female Archers fired at him, but that just angered his _Speed Save_! Agrias did next to nothing due to the fact that it took her forever to get in the damn city! When she finally did, she used the usual Stasis Sword. Theresa stole a sword from a Knight. Mustadio just fired his gun and ran away. They quickly cleaned up. Mustadio explained about his gun and that he can't tell them the reason he needs help. Now! On to **Bariaus Hill**!

**Battle 5: Bariaus Hill**

After a boring scene with Ovelia, the party find themselves at **Bariaus Hill**. Some _Rudvich_ losers are here. They want Mustadio for some reason. Mustadio paralyzed a Knight. Drake went down for a _Summoner VS Summoner duel_. Theresa charmed an Archer! Agrias is dumb and she runs around aimlessly looking for a fight. The party killed everyone and moved on to **Lionel Castle** where they bought a _Lightning Bow_. (_As if they needed it. A Random Archer from **Mandalia Plains** surrended a Mythril Bow!_)

**Battle 6: Zigolas Swamp**

After talking to Draclau about stuff and seeing Agrias leave the party, they enter **Zigolas Swamp**. Heather jumped and giggled at the sight of a **Uribo** in the swamp. It was the **Uribo** that would send them down the path of _getting Ribbons and Chantages_! She quickly Invited it! Oh, and they had to _kill Mustadio_ so he didn't screw up the **Invitation of the Uribo, **but he said he was fine. On to **Goug Machine City**!

**Battle 7: Slums of Goug Maching City**

Mustadio's Slums. Rudvich a stone 'cause he is stoned. More losers appear as Rudvich catches the Taurus Stone and leaves. Drake cleans them up. Mustadio actually sniped with his hand, but then the Archers killed him. The party wastes everyone else and they save Besrodio! Rudvich has a fake stone! He must be mad! Draclau also got mad! He killed Rudvich for being a jerk!

**Battle 8: Bariaus Valley**

Ramza met Delita in Warjilis Trade City. Delita told him to go back to Igros, but Ramza won't go! Then they headed to **Bariaus Valley** where _Agrias was under attacked by Lionel Troops_!? Why does she need to be saved? Mustadio and Theresa go after the Wizard and Archer to on side while Ramza and the rest help Agrias destroy the Knights, Wizards, and Archer. Drake cleaned them up with Ramuh. End of this weird battle.

**Battle 9: Golgorond Execution Site**

Stupid battle!! Dammit, Gafgarion!! Ramza arrives to see Ovelia being executed! But not really! The "executioner" reveals himself to be Gafgarion! And "Ovelia" pulls of the robe to reveal.... an Archer! All of Ramza's male allies were disappointed... After stealing the Blood Sword and killing Gaff's troops and chasing Gaff away, Ramza's party move up to **Lionel Castle. **

**Battle 10: Gate of Lionel Castle**

Holy crap! An enemy Summoner! Well, Drake's _much stronger than him_, so he used _Odin_ to chop him up! Ramza, _having mastered Bard_, went to the edge of the castle and _FLEW_ down to the other side, leavng Gafgarion to sit back and drink his coffee or something. An enemy Knight _broke Theresa's hat_, so Theresa stole the b-tch's Gold Helmet. Take that, slut!! After all the losers (_except Gafgarion_) were defeated and crystallized, Ramza _flew back over the Castle_ and opened the door so the party's new friend Cherry the Knight could lead the way inside (_oh yeah, Heather invited Cherry to join here_) After stealing the Ancient Sword, Cherry ran Gafgarion through with her own sword. Goodbye, Gafgarion!! See you in hell, bastard!! ...all right... let's just head into the castle.

**Battle 11: Inside Lionel Castle**

Draclau is here. Draclau is hungry. Draclau is angry. He is so angry that he _casts Nightmare on Drake and a few others and give them the Death Sentence_! He's finished off quickly however by Ramza and Agrias. Hey, Agrias did something good for once! Agrias was jumping around and giggling after being praised for being good! They gave her ice cream and coffee! And Ramza got Scorpio as he ended ths Chapter... then Delita talks to Ovelia until Vormav comes to get him. Boring junk.

_This is Craig Simpson with Jim Houston, Goodbye._

_**TO BE CONTINUED...**_

**Well, now you know who's commentating the recap... dammit! **


	3. Chapter 3: The Valiant

**Chapter 3: The Valiant**

**Battle 1: Goland Coal City**

After "waking up" in **Dorter**, Ramza's party moved north to **Goland Coal City**. But not before buying an N Kai Armlet! When they got there, Ramza, Agrias, Mustadio, Theresa, and Eva saw a man on the roof. (_No, not Santa Claus!_) It's Olan! And he's in trouble!! (_Why doesn't he save himself with **Galaxy Stop**?_) After the thieves threatened Olan, Ramza's party joined in. Eva started dancing (_as usual), _Theresa prepared to rip the Chemists off, Agrias and Mustadio stayed back as reinforcements. Ramza powered up Theresa as she persisted at nab those **Mythril Guns**. Olan started to get weak, so Ramza _flew_ up there and gave him an **X-Potion**. After beating the **Galaxy-Stopped enemies**, they went to **Lesalia**, where Zalbag refused to believe that Dycedarg started the war. Outside, Alma caught Ramza before he could leave. They talked for awhile then...

**Battle 2: Lesalia Castle Back Gate**

Zalmo appeared!! He declared Ramza a 'heretic' and called in his troops. Ramza did the same. (_Except replace 'heretic' with 'bastard'._) Blake and Jacob (_changed to Mediator_) jumped up to the opposite ends of the wall. Eva danced _Witch Hunt. _Alma casted MBarrier on Ramza. Ramza **cheered Eva up**. Jacob looked for a target for **Battle Skill**. A Knight stepped up and had his Flame Shield destroyed. While he tried to repair it, _Witch Hunt_ took effect and started draining MP from Zalmo. Blake jumped down and killed a Monk, but _Zalmo started a Raise 2 on her!_ So Blake jumped back up to the top. After a long battle of MP-draining, Brave-raising, and equipment-breaking, _Witch Hunt_ has successfully drained _all of Zalmo's MP_. Ramza finished Zalmo and forced him to run. He'll be back... now, Alma convinced Ramza to let her join so he can enter **Orbonne Monastery**.

**Battle 3/4/5: Underground Book Storage**

Alma stays behind to help Simon out while everyone else goes for the **Virgo Stone**. They first meet up with _some Lancers, Time Mages, and a Chemist_. The usual happened, Eva danced, Theresa charmed, Jacob broke stuff, Agrias cleaned up. They entered the next room. Izlude was waiting there. Same stuff from before, except Izlude has Maintenance, so Jacob and Theresa couldn't steal/break his stuff. Theresa charmed an Archer and killed the Summoner after he unleashed Shiva. Jacob had fun breaking bows and armor while Ramza finished Izlude off and forced him to escape. Then came the "toughest" battle. It's Wiegraf again! Ah, what the hell? _Two Red Chocobos named Giga Bastard and Super Bastard climbed the steps and **smashed** Wiegraf under the Choco Meteors_! Outside, Izlude was making his way out as Wiegraf apprached. Ramza watched as the **Aries Stone** started to glow and it finally stopped talking _slowly_ and turned Wiegraf into **Velius**! **Velius** disappeared and Simon came outside, gave Ramza the _Germonik Scriptures (GS Book)_ and died. Now the party goes to **Grog Hill**!

**Battle 6: Grog Hill**

A bunch of Nanten fools were trying to escape the army. They spotted Ramza and decided to kill him to get out of the army without being hunted down. Razma's party (_with Red Chocobo_) cleaned them all up quickly. (_Except Striker the Squire was taken over by Jacob and turned into a Thief._) On to **Yardow**!

**Battle 7: Yardow Fort City**

Oh no! Ramza's party found Rafa arguing with Malak! Let's save Rafa! (_At least she_ _ran away from the enemies instead of going right up to get killed_!) And those Ninjas _lined up as if to say "Hey, Agrias! Give us a Holy Explosion!"_ If only Orlandu was here... Drake was here however! He went Summoner VS Summoner and won with Ramuh, Titan, and Golem. Theresa didn't have any luck stealing... Ramza just kicked Malak out and finished the battle. Ramza talked wth Rafa until Malak's 'frog' came in, blurted some crap, and exploded. They left the city.

**Battle 8: Yuguo Woods**

At first, Ramza thought he was going to receive some monster cards, but Theresa reminded him that it's Yuguo, not Yu-Gi-Oh! Instead, a pack of Undead humans and monsters filled the forest. Not a problem for Mustadio! Very soon, the forest was filled wth statues... and Ramza never wants to come back. _Too bad, Chicken-wuss!_

**Battle 9/10/11: Riovanes Castle**

After Vormav's crap with Barinten, Ramza's party arrived at the gate of **Riovanes Castle**. Malak was there, but they kicked him quickly. Rafa fled with him! Jacob was breaking stuff, Ramza flew up to the Archers. Everyone was easily disposed of...

But now Ramza entered the castle alone! Wiegraf challenged him to a duel (_not Yu-Gi-Oh!!) _Ramza flew around Accumulating, Yelling, and Cheering Up until he finally ran Wiegraf through to make him transform into Velius. Ramza's party finally showed up, even though they were not needed as Ramza's quickly abolished Velius and the Demons.

Vormav kidnapped Alma and Ramza's party found themselves on the roof where Rafa confronted Barinten, Malak arrived and protected Rafa from Barinten's shot, and Celia and Lede killed Barinten. Elmdor arrived and demanded that Rafa gave him the stones. Before Rafa could 'commit suicide', one of the Bastards hidden on the ledge below jumped up and Choco Meteor'd one of the Assassin b-tches! The other Bastard did same and successfully protected Rafa! Elmdor and his sluts teleported the hell out of there while Rafa watched Scorpio revive Malak. Ramza went back inside and found Alma missing. He picked up the Pisces stone she dropped and left the castle. Wait! Rafa and Malak wanna join! Rafa hired Rafa, but kicked Malak out. Malak said "Fine! I'll be a Riovanes janitor then!" So, Malak changed his Job to 'Janitor'.

**END OF CHAPTER. ABORT MALAK. HE IS A JANITOR NOW.**

**To Be Continued...**


	4. Chapter 4: Somebody To Love

**Chapter 4: Somebody To Love**

**Battle 1: Doguola Pass**

There were some Nanten jerks standing guard here so Ramza's party had to go through them! Agrias just mopped them up! They would have stolen the **Oberisks**, but Blake already had a Holy Lance. What a short battle... on to **Bervenia**!

**Battle 2: Bervenia Free City**

Meliadoul's here for some reason... oh yeah! To kill Ramza! She wanted revenge, but Ramza tried (_and failed_) to convince her that Vormav did it. Agrias took care of the guards while Theresa ripped off the Defender and Chantage. She loves the smell of Chantage! Then they chased Meliadoul off and arrived at the river.

**Battle 3: Finath River**

Chocobos!! One Red Chocobo! One was Black, the rest were Yellow. No Uribo? Well, they already had one. Ramza forgot to equip **Secret Hunt** after the last battle, he had **Maintenance** instead. Oh well, the best thing a Red Chocobo can give is a **Barrette**. They had **Ribbons** now. The place got mopped up quickly.

**Battle 4: Church Outside Zeltennia**

After meeting Delita again, Ramza confronted Zalmo _again_! Delita cleaned up down below (_he didn't have Lightning Stab, what the hell?_) Agrias Lightning Stabbed Zalmo from the ground. Jacob jumped on the roof and shot Zalmo. Eva flew up and whacked him with her cloth. Delita killed an Oracle. Zalmo revived the Oracle. Ramza killed Zalmo. Delita and Ramza talked. Ramza left. Balmafula got sent away.

**Battle 5: Bed Desert**

Balk was talking about something. Ramza wanted to know what. Balk poisoned everyone! Ramza's party cleaned up the poison and killed Balk's friends. Luckily, they had stuff that blocked Snipe. (_Balk is an idiot! Anyone who has Mustadio KNOWS what blocks Snipe! There, I shall change Balk's Job to "Idiot"!_) Theresa stole the Blaze Gun from Balk (_along with all his other stuff_) and then they finally killed him. Mustadio wondered what the hell was going on... _the Blaze Gun is Ice!?_ Oh well, he equipped it and duplicated it and whatever else he needed to do with it. They left for Bethla Garrison...

**Battle 6: South Wall of Bethla Garrison**

Ramza fought this battle _alone_! He was a Mediator. First, he Screamed. Then some enemies moved. Then Ramza Screamed again. More enemies moved. Ramza invited the Ninja. The Ninja injured the Thief. The Archers injured the Ninja. Ramza cured the Ninja with Wish. The Ninja quickly died, but Ramza invited an Archer that shot down at the Knights. Ramza accidently put himself to Sleep with Mimic Daravon!! He was putting a Knight to Sleep, but he was also in the area!! Another Knight came and woke Ramza up with an attack. (_Shield Break..? Yeah, Ramza had no Shield, so it did damage._) Ah, now they went to open the floodgate!

**Battle 7: In Front Of Bethla Garrison's Sluice**

Agrias, Heather, Rafa, and Eva came to this battle. Eva danced while Archers missed her wth arrows. Agrias and Rafa climbed towards the Wizards. Heather put up Protect and Shell with Kiyomori. A Wizard knew Fire 3!! That loser! Kill him! Agrias and Rafa killed him! Those Knights won't move! Not even while Charmed! After everyone was killed (_and crystallized_), Ramza pulled the levers. Oh no! He washed Heather and Eva away 'cause they were standing _right in front of the gate_! Damn you, Ramza!! Well, they entered the fortress and _saved Cid Orlandu_! And.. Cid decided to... _kill himself!!_ ...no.. that was some Bomb someplace... Cid joined Ramza's party!! On to the mountains!

**Intermission?: Zarghidas Trade City**

Ramza bought a flower from **Aeris**.

**Battle 8: Germinas Peak**

Hey! Bandits! Ramza lowered Rafa's Brave by Threatening her. (_there's a reason, but the poor girl wouldn't quit crying..._) Eva danced as usual. When Rafa quit crying, she climbed the mountain and dug up the **Vanish Mantle**! Then they finished off these drug dealers! Ramza had one Invited, but he sent him to **Zarghidas** to clean up the slums.

_And this was Orlandu's debut_!

**Battle 9: Poeskas Lake**

More Undead jerks!? Mustadio came in and petrified them while Orlandu cleaned up the leftovers. What a joke battle. Move on to the _hard battles_.

**Battle 10/11/12: Limberry Castle**

They were alone... ? Alone until Celia started talking like a slut. Ramza stepped up and called for Celia to sluttily cast her slutty **Ultima**. Ramza was surprised when she didn't screw up by saying "_Brush off vanity and shot reality! SLUTIMA!!_" But she _was very close to it 'cause she's a slut_. Orlandu was _stopped for this fight due to Lede's Slut Bracelet or whatever_. Ramza learned Slutima! ...oh? That's **Ultima**! Oh yeah, of course... they went inside...

Elmdor and his sluts were waiting. Agrias, Ramza, Eva, Heather, and Theresa were against him. Agrias was locked on to the sluts and their true forms, the **Slutima Demons**! After the sluts were finished off, Theresa was pulling on Elmdor's stuff with all her strength, but it wouldn't come off! (_Ugh... Theresa.. how could you..? What do you see in him?_) So, Ramza Threatened Elmdor while Eva danced _Slow Dance_ to lower hs Speed. Theresa finally stole the **Genji Shield**. Then came the **Masamune**. Heather giggled with happiness at the sight of the sword until Elmdor came and Kikuimuchi'd her to hell and back. (_the "back" is for the Chantage!_) While Elmdor prepared to **Teleport 2** on top of Heather, Theresa came and stole his **Genji Armor. **Eva was knocked out next, but then she got up and started dancing again. Elmdor was teleporting around like an idiot. (_..change Elmdor's Job to Idiot as well.._) Theresa stole the **Genji Helmet**! After much Yelling, dancing, and teleporting, she finally stole the **Genji Gauntlet** and finished Elmdor off. Ramza said "Elmdor! Get back here! You're too gay to function!!"

(_Save, yes dammit!! I will save!!_)

Ramza's party went downstairs were it smelled like rotting corpses and decayed... chicken...? That can't be right... well, that water smelled like beer. And wine. And crap. ...damn. Meliadoul showed up in time for the nice special effects show of Elmdor transforming into Zalera! She saw that Ramza was right and fought as a Guest. Zalera summoned some Skeletons and Knights from Hell and started the battle! This battle was over in a few seconds with Orlandu. He cleaned them up! But Mustadio made some nice statues for his collection first. ...too bad he couldn't reach those Hell Knights... (_What!? Malak was here!? ...no, Knights from Hell. Oh.. phew, Malak is too gay to function!_)

(_Now, time to apply the Genji Gear and duplicate the Masamune. Done. Wanna do quests yet? No. Kill Dycedarg first. Fine... oh, I'll take Meliadoul's stuff and kick her out on her sexy ass!_)

**Battle 13: Igros Castle**

Zalbag attackedDycedarg! Finally! Someone stood up to that freak! This is easy... all they had to do was... what!? _Defeat Dycedarg's Elder Brother!?_ Since they had NO IDEA who the hell that was, they settled for defeating Dycedarg. Orlandu broke Dycedarg's sword with Hellcry Punch. Agrias Lightning Stabbed some Knights, then Ramza Ultima'd them. Theresa wanted to get up there, but it was too late. They had defeated Dycedarg (_Zalbag did! Cool!_) Dycedarg sent Zalbag to Hell and turned into Adramelk! Ramza Ultima'd him, then Orlandu came and Night Sworded him. Theresa finished him off with her swords. End of the Beoulves... almost.

**Battle 14/15/16: Murond Holy Place**

Geomancers!! And Mediators!! Jacob and Eva can attack the Mediators... Theresa wants to steal stuff! Ramza invited a Geomancer and Heather powered him up with her new Masamune! She loves that thing! (_Check her on AutoBattle! She protects Cloud like no one else!_) Theresa charmed the Priest. The other Geomancer cancelled the charm. Eva killed a Mediator by throwing a weapon. (_Yes, she had Throw!_) Ramza invited the Priest, Theresa killed the Summoner. Heather killed the Geomancer. The Guest Geomancer killed the other Mediator. Let's go inside...

Vormav's here!? Dammit! Meliadoul would talk here.. but her sexy ass was fired, remember? Vormav broke Ramza's hat!! That jerk is _too gay to function_! Same to Rofel and Kletian! Orlandu kicks their asses with Agrias's help! Take that, freaks!

Some kind of dark room... that's where they ended up now... Zalbag!! Wait, he's an enemy... with Speed Save!? What the hell!? Ah, more Slutima Demons and an Archaic Demon.. (_can't insult these guys, too hard... what would work... FartCake... Arch-Cake... Archie..?_) The girls tortured the demons after they nearly killed Ramza. They guarded Ramza with their infinite Chantage'd lives. Theresa sliced Zalbag in two wth her swords.

(_Yeah, that's what I call MEAN GIRLS!_ _Ramza's got some MEAN GIRLS in his party!_)

**Final Battles: Untouched, Ramza is a chicken-wuss**

Ramza's party has not yet entered the final battles. They are now training a new ally. (_Clue: he started at Level 1!_)

They did a bunch of stuff while training for the final battles.

They went to Goland to save the Holy Dragon.

They picked up Worker 8 (_renamed "PUGGY!!"_)

PUGGY!! helped Rafa collect the Gold Eschutcheon and Javelin II.

Reis the Holy Dragon turned into Reis the Dragoner.

Fired Agrias to make room for Beowulf and Reis. Also dropped some monsters. Poor Agrias... _don't worry, everyone have her a hug (and a kiss) before she left. Orlandu's way stronger, but watching Agrias's sexy ass leave is kind of sad..._

They protecting Cloud from the thieves and asked him to join.

Mustadio found Cloud's Materia Blade.

Heather taught everyone Blade Grasp, but some aren't very good at it due to their low Brave. You hear me, Rafa?

Reaped the hell out of Deep Dungeon and found the important stuff. Screw the Elixirs!

Defeated Elidibs and Drake _learned Zodiac_!

Now Eva's a Calculator and she's doing propositions to gain JP to learn the desired skills.

And they're training Cloud (_very difficult_) to an appropriate Level! Hey, maybe Cloud can one day take out Altima!

And now...

**This is Jim Houston and Craig Simpson, goodbye.**

**To Be Continued....**

**....they WILL fight those battles! And why's Cloud so weak!? **

**Oh... and I _really do_ have some _mean girls_ in my party!**


	5. Extra Chapter: The Final Battles

**Battles At Orbonne Monastery: Final Battles**

Ramza, Theresa, Kalan, Jacob, and Heather entered the Orbonne Monastery first. Now there's a whole truckload of jerks. After Rofel leaves, Kalan went and broke the charging Archer's Yoichi Bow and killed the Archer. Ramza's not mad 'cause he's got a Yoichi Bow _and_ a Perseus Bow from Deep Dungeon! Then a Monk named Indy came and Earth Slash'd Theresa! What power.... not. Theresa ripped off his Black Costume. Damn, Theresa! He's not even your type! Ramza invites Loggins, the other Monk.A Knight tried stupidly using Elemental on Heather, but he sucked. Jacob makes Monk Pie with Wave Fist. Kalan was on a roll breaking stuff on a Knight. Poor Jacob... his break skills were inferior to Kalan's. Theresa also nabbed an Elf Mantle from another Knight. A Knight named Eric joined! He's the Elemental Man! Jacob kills a Knight! Then another Knight stepped. (_It's Blake! He's back and he's suddenly an Aquarius! Ramza fired him when he fired Agrias._) Blake tried break Loggins's head! He fights cheap! Monks _don't wear hats_! And Eric paralyzed Blake with Kamaitachi! Then Jacob broke Blake's armor and kills Blake! Yes! Jacob finally broke something! Well, it was due to the "Don't Act" and a good Zodiac Sign match. The odds were 88 and the attack did 608 damage!! Now they head into the next area and met Rofel and his posse.

Rofel had Save The Queen! But his Mighty Sword was useless! Ramza's party remembered the fight against Meliadoul and equipped Maintenance. Plus, Ramza remembered Rofel breaking his Thief Hat before, so he was prepared now. In addition to Reis and Theresa, Ramza brought PUGGY!! and Virus the Byblos. Monsters are immune to Mighty Sword and PUGGY!! has _Auto-Innocent_, making him immune to All-Magic. PUGGY!! disposed of Crawford the Wizard! What low HP he had! Rofel confused Ramza!! Oh crap!! Luckily, Virus was nearby and he Shock'd Ramza to cancel it and since Virus hadn't taken any damage yet, Shock did 0 damage to Ramza, but it still cancelled the confusion! Rofel is a freak! (_...change Rofel's Job to Freak..._) PUGGY!! disposed of the other Wizard! Theresa ripped a Summoner's Feather Mantle off! She then said "Ooh, soft!" PUGGY!! disposed of a Summoner! Reis knocked out the Time Mage! Theresa threw a Yagyu Darkness into the other Summoner's head! Killed on impact! He was weakened by PUGGY!!'s dispose. And PUGGY!! knocked Rofel out the window with Dispose! (_Gotta love Dispose, right?_)

The party descended into Hell... or Murond Death City. Kletian was there to greet them. Ramza was assisted by Kalan, Theresa, Heather, and Rafa. And... oooh, there's Samurais in here! Heather can show off to them! (_But they'll probably wanna just grab her ass..._) Ramza caught a Time Mage that came Jumping down on him! Heather then came Jumping down on a Ninja! Stupid Kletian! Flying around like a... big, gay-looking bird! I thought he was mad when we killed his "honey" Rofel! Dawson the Time Mage (_the one that Ramza caught_) joined the party! After Ramza Solutioning Kletian's Faith and Theresa Charming the Ninja and other Time Mage, Goodman the Samurai joined! Oh, and Kletian killed Dawson, but the Solutions weakened the power of Holy. And... wow! Kletian knew _Dark Holy_!? Well, Goodman finished Kletian off with Koutetsu!

And now... what!? Balk!? How'd he get here!? Oh well... his allies were... huh!? Dragon-types!? He likes Pokemon!? Wait... no! They were Reis-type Dragons! So Reis came in to take 'em over! And Mustadio grabbed his Blast Gun and Gold Escutcheon and challenged Balk to a duel! A No Snipe duel 'cause they both had Thief Hats! Theresa stole Balk's Blast Gun! The duel was over! Balk was stuck with no weapon! ...Theresa could've sworn she saw him trying to Counter... oh, and Reis tamed a Tiamat! That very Tiamat is the one that made TFB! (_Tiamat Fried Balk_) And the party moved on...

Vormav greeted them in the Graveyard of Airships... right before he turned into Hashmalum! This time, PUGGY!! came back with Virus. Striker and Theresa showed up as well. After a battle of Spells and Quakes, PUGGY!! waltzed up and thumper Hashmalum and knocked him down. (_PUGGY!! was immune to the Spells and Quakes._) Hashmalum sacrificed himself to revive Ajora! Ajora was back!! ..and the party received Ragnarok.

The final battle started with Eva the Oracle beefing up defenses with some White Magic. Ramza Yelled and Screamed. Theresa beat the hell out of the Slutima Demons. (_They have such low HP..._) With everyone's Speed up, Theresa started shoving things up Altima's ass. They even kept Alma alive! Cool! And they even refreshed Alma's MP with Chakra. (_Tip: It's fun using Aspel/SpellAbsorb on Altima!_) A few times Altima used Grand Cross on Beowulf, but that was cancelled by Esuna! And DeathSpell 2... which has a wierd name by the way... supposed to be "DeSpell" or "Dispel", maybe? Beowulf drained Altima's HP a bit, then Theresa finished it off!

Altima transformed!! Holy crap! It's a giant skeleton thing!! But! It didn't even get a chance to move! Eva started up a Holy, Beowulf Aspel'd and Drain'd it, Heather slashed it, Theresa shoved Spell Edge up its ass, (_she didn't get to throw Ragnarok..._), Ramza shot the Blast Gun, and.................................and.................................and..........................what? What else is there?............................oh! Yes, of course! **_ALMA LEARNED ULTIMA!!! SHE USED IT ON ALTIMA!!_** Then Heather finished it off after Holy hit its mark!

Congratulations! This Recap Is Complete!

War Trophies: PlayStation2, XBox, GameCube, A Can of Lard, 1 Gil

_Holy took 11 turns to cast, Altima was going to act in 12 turns. In the previous battle, Heaven's Cloud actually put the SLOW onto Altima. And I can't believe Alma learned Ultima! And Altima's "Face Up" in the second round was handy. Ultima, Drain, and Holy did massive damage! And... Alma actually learned Ultima in the first round. Beowulf rules that battle! ......Beowulf rules ANY battle! Especially when he's with Orlandu! But, I didn't take Orlandu... I wanted a challenge.... but with the MEAN GIRLS, it wasn't too much harder! Grand Cross just confused Beowulf and he tried to do something to Eva, but the Ribbon blocked it. _

_Tip: If you keep Alma alive, use Yell, Masamune, Kiyomori, and MP-restoring stuff to have a better fight! Alma WILL use MBarrier on others! She even started charging it when Theresa was defeated 'cause she knew that Theresa was going to get up soon with her Chantage._

_And Slutima Demons DO have low HP!_

_And now...._

_**THIS IS THE END!!**_

_Super Tip: Duplicate... Make sure the Shop has stuff that the person can equip like to duplicate the Masamune, equip Masamune and put a weaker sword from the shop **in the other hand**! Then do **Best Fit** and leaving the Fitting Room. You should have two Masamunes!_

_Bonus: **Cloud can wear Woman's Ribbons!! (Cachusha, Barette, Ribbon) ...but no Perfume or Bags...**_


End file.
